The Dossier of consistent Mail Online Offender Liz Jones Part 1

I feel sorry for Liz Jones, truly sadly deeply sorry to the very core of my being. Sometimes I just want to reach through the Mail online website and give her a big hug. At other times I want to nut her out through my computer screen with a Glasgow kiss.

It must be so sad to live your life in such a vacuous self hating bubble that nobody exists for you apart from the narcissistic reflection of your own hollow face in a plastic laptop screen as you tap away 24/7 in the vain hope that someone might actually listen and care about what you think.

Liz has had it all. Borderline anorexia, obsessive compulsive disorder, addictive shopping behaviour that spiralled into debt, relationship issues that plummeted the very bowels of human deprivation – namely sperm theft from a  prophylactic, invasive plastic surgery treatments and a determination to share share and share again every single minute detail of her lonely single lady cat laden existence.

From the very depths of Liz hatred and bile we must remember lives a very sad and unhappy individual. For every article where she revels in someone elses fashion misery we must remember that here lies a prime example of someone who has never learned to love themselves.

Part 1 in the Liz Jones Dossier Files ‘My 25 Year Battle With Grey Hair’ . That’s right readers it reads BATTLE. Not with cancer or MS or even type one diabetes. No Liz has had a horrendous and unimaginable battle with grey hair since her mid twenties.

Liz has been a brave little soldier battling this debilitating condition

Pushing through the tears which for me was quite a struggle we discover within several thousand words that Liz has found that slightly lighter tones through her hair means a less frequent need to dye her roots and a softer look around her face. Who knew!?!?

I am sure you as well as me will now sleep soundly in your beds tonight without worrying about the potential muss n fuss Miss Jones might have done to a precious Egyptian Cotton pillow slip in white with perhaps a undercautious use of Nice and Easy in Nearly Black.

So what if Britain faces a double dip recession and third world poverty has yet to be eradicated. At least for Liz this epic battle is now over.

Repeat the mantra ‘This is not real life this is the Mail Online Website.’


One thought on “The Dossier of consistent Mail Online Offender Liz Jones Part 1

  1. Pingback: The Dossier of consistent Mail Online Offender Liz Jones: Part 2 ‘The Great Sperm Thief’ | Addicted to the Daily Mail Online

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