Daily Mail Sunday 27th May – Hold the printing press – Kristen Stewart has a hole in her T Shirt

Is this World War Three teamed with Armageddon I see before me? No it’s just Kristen Stewart with  a rip in her T-Shirt. Hold the fucking printing presses for this one guys!

Kristen was quick to allay press fears that her T Shirt was suffering from cancer

Yes according to the incredulous tones of Jade Watkins (who is obviously doing the best to improve on her D- in GCSE English writing experience) Kristen who was recently crowned worlds best dressed woman by international zeitgeist publication Glamour Magazine has had the audacity to appear in public in an item of clothing that has clearly been damaged, ripped or torn in some way.

Luckily she did change into something more acceptable later. A red dress which showed a bit of side tittage and therefore deserved another astounding piece of journalistic talent on the perils of plunging necklines (yawn).

We can only assume that Kristen did not have a handy needle and thread at her disposal or some kind of craftily placed neckerchief which she may have artfully hid the offensive spoiled garment with.

Whilst we all worry ourselves to death over how ever she survived such public humiliation I for one prey that Miss Stewart never ever has to suffer again the indignity of a ripped T Shirt whilst leaving an aeroplane. Get well soon Kristen – perhaps some restorative post t shirt gate therapy in a nearby branch of Gap might help you overcome this sad episode in your life.

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