In another piece of Pulitzer Prize winning Journalism Miss Jones has been hard at work in true investigative style to discover which of Jessie J’s hairstyles will suit her best.
As Liz is quick to point out – she in no way thinks she looks like Jessie J what with being 3 decades older. She is also not Bi Sexual (far too interesting and just inviting the other half of the population to reject her) She also doesn’t possess any
singing writing talent.
We are treated to five different Jessie J styles emulated in true self deprecating style by Liz who admits she has a miserly mouth and pointy features but still pouts and preens in front of the camera lens anyway.
For the sake of all who must be dying for her to answer these important follicle related issues she is hoping that by going under the Jessie J hairstyle guises she might gain an insight into the pop starts ‘psyche’ (Yes she really has said that).
After enduring torturous hours in the make up artists chair Liz shows with true wallflower camera phobic style that she cannot bear ever to have her photo taken due to her overwhelming lack of self-confidence and inner complexities.
Actually what we see is someone making a bit of a twat of themselves in a series of comparison photos which just reinforce that fact that Liz has the literary skills of the average BBC1 sitcom writer and the posing talents of a below average ‘Olan Mills Mummy Glamour Model.’
Then just when we don’t think Liz can get any more saccharine and self-deluded she comes to an epiphany through this life changing hairstyle experience that she should in fact have more confidence and believe in herself enough to SHAVE ALL HER HAIR OFF FOR CHARITY.
Apparently inspired by Jessie who is doing the same for Great Ormond Street Liz has set up a ‘Just Giving’ page and will shave all her hair off if she reaches donations of £100k.
Don’t get me wrong I think its great that she wants to raise money for an animal hospital but does she have to do it in such a ham-fisted, vain and attention seeking way? The fact she has only generated £92.50 in donations since this article was published two days ago kind of says it all. (It does also help if you hyperlink for people to click to donate Liz).
I propose a different way to raise funds for charity Liz and one that will definitely get people donating. Why don’t you pledge to do the following in your column over the next year and see if people start to like you more and help your cause?
- I pledge not to write about or refer to myself in any article
- I promise not to base any articles on my: Shoe Collections / Fashion Choices/ Hair Issues / Plastic Surgery Obsessions/ Weight Obsessions / Ongoing Insecurities
- I pledge to actually write about something that matters once in a while
- I will endeavour not to be an ego driven narcissistic wretch at every given opportunity
I for one would be pleased to donate safe in the knowledge that less online article excrement was polluting cyberspace.